My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
