he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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