well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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