So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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