I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
