I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
