So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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