Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
