I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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