I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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