i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
