You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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