Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
