I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
