Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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