yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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