i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
