You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
