I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
