I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
