Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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