i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
