I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
