good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
