I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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