i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
