I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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