rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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