"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
