a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
third nipple confirmed
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
