I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
