around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
