Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
