Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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