While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
