i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
