You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
