Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
