I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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