: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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