Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
