put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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