I hate all girls vehemently.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
