Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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