She said her name was "party"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
