You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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