wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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