OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
