i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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