4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
