Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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